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Showing posts from August, 2023

back to school

this is the beginning of my 22nd year of school. wow.  i've spent more time studying and learning in my life than anything else. i still overcommit. i still sign up for too many classes. i still buy too many books. and i still love shopping for school supplies. i mean, who can resist those sparkly planners that are unmarked? color-coding must release some kind of dopamine, because i really love it.  this year, i want school to work for me. i want to focus my studies on what interests me most. i want to prioritize my health. i want to enjoy my days. i hope to make an attempt at having a sleep schedule and maybe keep my room clean?  the older i get, the more i want to enjoy my life. my tendency is to plan the wonder and adventure out of my life. and while i will never stop planning, i think i can let myself breathe a little more, after all, i know what i'm doing.   so here's to another school year. 

pain is:

 pain is:               -messy               -comes in inconvenient moments               -disregards my emotions               -everywhere, nowhere, and in that one place               -sits with me all night               -lightning in my body               -unseen inflammation               -hungry for more of me   -the desire to crawl in a hole   -feeling like bare minimum requires everything               -feeling like i haven’t done enough               -the inability to do any more               -an unmet expectation               -plans that get rescheduled               -days without income               -a furrowed brow               -a clenched jaw               -a gasp               -tears that won’t come               -until i can’t imagine my future without it               -a reminder that i am still alive